Supporting the move to secondary school

I feel really passionate about setting children up for success—not just academically, but emotionally and socially too. With my own two, I spend a lot of time thinking about the kinds of situations they might face and the skills they’ll need to navigate them with confidence. For me, it’s not about toughening them up or throwing them into the deep end, but about gently helping them build awareness and resilience. It’s about showing them how to recognise when a friendship doesn’t feel right and giving them the tools to step away with confidence and kindness.

I believe that same kind of thoughtful preparation is just as important when it comes to big transitions. These moments can be exciting, but they often come with anxiety too. This year, my daughter went to university. It’s her third major educational transition, but this one felt different—she moved over 100 miles away and stepped into full independence.

What gave me real comfort was knowing that all the transitions she'd experienced up to that point helped to prepare her. Along the way, she’s developed essential life skills like cooking, doing her laundry, managing her money, and building a good sense of judgement. All of these things helped her (and me!) take that next step with a lot more confidence.

Now, as I start thinking about my son’s transition to secondary school, I find myself taking the same mindset. I want him to go in feeling secure—not because everything will be easy, but because he’ll feel capable of handling challenges when they come up. I feel lucky that I work closely with secondary school teachers and have a good sense of what’s coming. He already has some of the social and emotional tools he’ll need—but one thing I know we need to focus on is independence.

So I’m starting small. One shift I’ve made is in our morning routine. Instead of prompting him with a list—"Have you got your bag? Your lunch? Your PE kit?"—I now ask, “Have you got everything?” and follow up with, “Tell me what you’ve packed.” It might seem like a little change, but it encourages him to think, not just rely on me.

I’ve also decided that I’ll let him forget a few non-essential things here and there—like his football kit on a PE day. While it might cause a bit of inconvenience, these small slip-ups help create “memory hooks” that stick. They help him learn through experience without the stakes being too high.

In the end, supporting our children through transition is about giving them the space to grow, stumble, and try again—while knowing we’re right there beside them. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress and self-trust. And each small step is building their foundation for whatever comes next.